ELDER (when the needs and tasks of the Parent have been fulfilled or the youngest child reaches adult maturity):
An elder is a father or mother to his/her community. They are able to treat children who are not their own with the same unselfish care they learned to give to their own children.
PARENT (from birth of first child to when the youngest child becomes an adult)
The Goal of the Parent stage is to learn to give sacrificially with joy, without expecting to receive in return.
Anyone who has ever been a parent knows that this new stage requires all we learned in the earlier stages—infant, child, adult—and more. Welcome to the parent stage! Only a person who has mastered the first three stages will have the capacity to give sacrificially to an infant.
ADULT STAGE: Young Man or Woman (age thirteen/puberty) to the birth of his/her first child)
The goal of this stage is to learn to satisfy the needs of two people—his or herself and one other person.
Ideally, the ADULT STAGE begins at age thirteen. A fully mature 13-year-old can take excellent care of herself. As s/he enters the adult state s/he will learn how to satisfy the needs of more than one person at a time.
CHILD--BOY or GIRL (age Four to 12/13)
The goal for childhood is to teach a boy or girl how to take care of one person—him/herself. Taking care of him/herself must be second nature before s/he can take care of two or more people at the same time, as men and women do.
The goal for infancy is for babies to organize a strong, joyful, synchronized identity. An infant must learn to receive.
Ideally the infant learned that they have value for “just being me.” The infant must experience strong, loving, caring bonds with his parents. These bonds must meet his needs without his having to ask. He must receive life and also learn to express the life that is in him, to everyone's delight. During infancy, the baby learns to live joyfully in his mother's world.
Catherine Curtis, our HCI Community Coordinator sat down with Jewell B., one of our community members operating from elder level maturity. Below are some "snapshots" from Catherine and Jewell's conversation.
Several years ago, my husband and I had the opportunity to spend extra time over several months with our grandchildren. This gave us precious bonding times together. The grandchildren are now doing well in school so our contact with them is quite limited (they live in another state from where we live). But on Richard’s 80th zoom birthday party this year their faces reflected much joy and delight to be together virtually!
I got married at the age of 20. Our daughter was born when I was 22 years of age. I had a very narrow mindset about what a parent looks like. I was going to be the perfect parent. I read many books including Dr. Spock, God the Rod in Your Child’s Bod, How to Raise an Excellent Child (this was a Christian book, with an authoritarian mindset) about how to parent. What I read was all about discipline and having schedules. In those days, a new mother was hospitalized for five days after a regular delivery, and our pediatrician was on vacation. Every day a different pediatrician would come in and give me advice. Each day was different advice on how to care for this little baby.
Read MoreRecently, Betsy Stalcup (BS) interviewed community member Jeannie Herbert (JH) about adult maturity and a very special friendship Jeannie shares with her friend of 40 years, Kathy.
BS: How did you meet your friend Kathy?
JH: My friend, Kathy and I met 40 years ago. Jerry and I came to Washington DC for a month as our husbands were going to work together for a college ‘J term’. Housing was pre-arranged, so that we actually lived in the same row house together on Capitol Hill. Our oldest child was eight months old and he slept in a cabinet drawer to save space. The two couples hit it off.
I first became aware of the whole idea of maturity deficits in 2008 when my wife and I became acquainted with the Life Model. My wife, Betsy, discovered that she had infant deficits at the same time that I realized that I had childhood deficits. I thought, I am 60 years old, and I have childhood deficits, are you kidding? I had a very loving mother. I was very secure in her love. I knew my needs would be met. So I had solid infant maturity. But I realized that throughout my life I had always had a hard time doing difficult things. At work, at home. When there was something hard that needed to be done, I would put it off. Avoid it. And I probably still do, to a degree. Sometimes I would get so overwhelmed that I would freeze.
Read MoreAs we delve into the human maturity stages, it is helpful to read or hear examples of how other people identified and addressed their maturity deficits. This month we feature an interview conducted by Catherine Curtis (CC) with HCI Executive Director, Betsy Stalcup (EMS).
