Human Developmental Maturity - Adult Stage
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Understanding Developmental Maturity
The Adult Stage
We all grow and mature in stages starting from a tiny embryo in our mother’s womb. Our bodies grow automatically, but our hearts and minds do not. Our hearts and minds need certain conditions to fully develop. Most of us can picture what healthy physical development should look like as humans grow from infants to elder, but many of us do not know what it looks like to develop emotionally and mentally. When we do not have the maturity we should have for our age, those areas of lack are then deficits. Most maturity deficits come from trauma. Both A Trauma (the absences of necessary good things) and B Trauma (bad things) arrest development in one or more areas.
ADULT STAGE: Young Man or Woman (age thirteen/puberty) to the birth of his/her first child)
The goal of this stage is to learn to satisfy the needs of two people—his or herself and one other person.
Ideally, the ADULT STAGE begins at age thirteen. A fully mature 13-year-old can take excellent care of herself. As s/he enters the adult state s/he will learn how to satisfy the needs of more than one person at a time. Like the other transformations, this one is physical as well as mental and social. Her identity will try to reorganize itself. Young adults need a more mature guide.
Just like all the other states it will take time to mature from a self-centered girl or boy to a both-centered person. During the adult stage s/he will learn how to negotiate relationships in a way that is fair for her as well as fair to the other. She will begin to consider the needs of others as important as his or her own needs. When the Adult is doing business, the person s/he is dealing with will get equal, fair treatment. This stage of development usually takes men and women into their early twenties. By that time, a woman or man should be able to get a fair deal, not be intimidated by other men or women, protect others from himself/herself when necessary, and take care of a small group to everyone's satisfaction.
During this stage a man or woman continues to develop a personality that reflects his personal character and style. Everything s/he does must meet this heart-based standard. The adult identity finds its highest challenge in marriage. A man or woman is ready for marriage near the end of the adult stage. By that time, he is proficient in sharing life for mutual satisfaction. Because he and she are both adults, they can each take care of themselves and each other simultaneously. This kind of partnership is characteristically adult. Sharing life in a way that creates a mutually satisfying story--or imprint on history--brings great joy to adults.
The goal for men and women is to become a satisfying part of history. A man (or woman) knows that what s/he does impacts other people. Therefore, /she carefully ensures that his/her impact on history (his/her story) is a good one.
As we move from childhood to the adult world, we need a rite of passage where old adults welcome us to their world. Many religions have rites of passage such as the Jewish Bar and Bat Mizvah. In some churches, confirmation can play a role where the child who is nearing this transition is taught about their faith so they can confirm, this is what I believe or reject it. During puberty our brains develop the ability to think abstractly. We no longer believe all that our parents have taught us. We need to evaluate what we have been told and make it our own, or not! This is a normal part of becoming an adult. We need to know that we are now working on adult maturity and what that looks like so we can successful complete all the needs and tasks during this stage. Not all at once, but over time. One often misunderstood need is to develop a group identity. Young adults need to find a group to which they can belong, hopefully one that is healthy and life-giving. They need lots of time in their community testing their new skills.
THE ADULT STAGE
Primary Task: Taking care of two people simultaneously (Growing from Me to We)
If tasks not completed: Lacking capacity to be in mutually satisfying relationships
Adult Needs
A rite of passage, a welcome to adult world
Time to bond with peers & form group identity
Inclusion by the same-sex community
Observing the same sex using power fairly
Being given important tasks by his/her community
Guidance for the personal imprint they will make on history
Opportunities to share life in partnership
Adult Tasks
Take care of two people simultaneously
Discover the main characteristics of his/her heart
Proclaim, defend personal & community (group) identity
Bring self & another back to joy simultaneously
Develop a personal style that reflects his/her heart
Learn to protect others from him/herself
Learn to diversify & blend roles
Embrace life-giving sexuality
Mutual satisfaction in a relationship; partnership
See others thru ‘eyes of heaven’
Adult Stage Indicators: Age 13 to Birth of First Child
(or Age 13 to the Experience of a Self-Sacrificial Relationship)
Key: 1 = God has begun the work… 10 = By God’s grace, I’ve got this!
The Adult Stage: Learning to take care of myself and another person (growing from Me to We) and Where I Am
I can take care of myself, and also be mindful of the needs of another person simultaneously.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
I recognize my own heart values and know what matters most to me.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
I have developed a personal style that reflects my heart.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
I have been able to bond with peers and to form a group identity.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
I proclaim and defend my personal, and my group (community) identity.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
I recognize my influence on others, and have learned to protect them from myself, not overwhelming or taking advantage of them.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
I recognize and blend the diverse roles I may play, e.g., as a friend, spouse, worker. I know how to act like myself in diverse situations.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
I embrace life-giving sexuality.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
I look for mutual give-and-take in my relationships and partnerships, where neither one dominates another.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
I am able to bring myself and another back to joy simultaneously.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
I see others through the eyes of heaven, the way God sees them, as cherished and beloved, as made in his image.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Adapted by Elizabeth Stalcup, PhD, Jeannie Herbert, MSN, and Anne Doggett, M.A.Ed. from various sources including Restarting with Ed Khouri; The Emotionally Healthy Church by Peter Scazzero; the Thriving DC 2013 workbook by David and Jan Takle; and Joy Starts Here by Wilder, Khouri, Coursey and Sutton, Shepherd’s House © 2013