Human Maturity Stages - Child Maturity

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Understanding Developmental Maturity

The Child Stage

We all grow and mature in stages starting from a tiny embryo in our mother’s womb. Our bodies grow automatically, but our hearts and minds do not. Our hearts and minds need certain conditions to fully develop. Most of us can picture what healthy physical development should look like as humans grow from infants to elder, but many of us do not know what it looks like to develop emotionally and mentally. When we do not have the maturity that we should have for our age, those areas of lack are then deficits. Most maturity deficits come from trauma. Both A Trauma (the absences of necessary good things) and B Trauma (bad things) arrest development in one or more areas.

CHILD--BOY or GIRL (age Four to 12/13)
The goal for childhood is to teach a boy or girl how to take care of one person—him/herself.Taking care of him/herself must be second nature before s/he can take care of two or more people at the same time, as men and women do.

The CHILD STAGE begins as the baby becomes a boy or girl at about age four. A child is more complex than a baby. He/she must learn to ask for the things they need. They must make themselves understandable to others. They must discover what satisfies them each day. To do this, each child must learn to act exactly like himself--like the person he/she is in his heart. They must develop their talents and resources, and their performance must be motivated by self-expression, not as a way to earn approval or love. The child must learn to receive and give life freely. They must learn to do hard things, things that they don't feel like doing at the time, but which are important and satisfying later. If we think of maturity as climbing a mountain, then at the child stage one learns how to pack and carry his own backpack, read a map, keep moving on the trail and enjoy the view.

In preparation for adulthood, the child must learn the "big picture" of life. This overall picture of life and maturity becomes like a "topo" map. He/she must also learn the history of his own family because the perceived big picture of life must first apply to people he knows. Family history tells the child where she/he is on the map.

THE CHILD STAGE
Primary Task– Taking care of self If tasks not completed: Not taking responsibility for self

Child Needs

  • Help to do what s/he does not feel like doing

  • Help sorting feelings, imaginations, and reality

  • Be taught their family history

  • Be taught the history of God’s family as well as where they are in their maturity and what lies ahead.

  • Be taught to do ‘worthy work’ for mind and body

  • Be appreciated & valued as unique (Individuation)

  • Be seen through ‘eyes of heaven’ (the way God does, as cherished, loved, forgiven)

Child Tasks

  • Take care of self

  • Learn to ask for what s/he needs

  • Learn self-expression

  • Learn to make him/herself understandable to others

  • Develop personal resources and talents

  • Learn to do hard things

  • Learn what satisfies

  • Learn to tame cravings (nucleus acumens)

  • See self through ‘eyes of heaven’ (as God does, cherished, loved, forgiven)


Child Stage Indicators: Age Four through Age 12/13


Key: 1 = God has begun the work… 10 = By God’s grace, I’ve got this!

The Child Stage: Learning to Care for Myself and Where I Am

I have learned to care for myself relationally and emotionally.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

I ask for help when I need it.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

I have learned to tame my cravings.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

I can persist in doing hard things without feeling overwhelmed.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

I know how to express myself and to make myself understood to others (especially when not understood the first time).

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9  10

I have developed, and continue to develop, personal resources and talents.

1   2   3  4   5   6   7   8   9   10

I recognize what is truly satisfying.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

I am interested in my family history and continue to learn about it.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

I enjoy learning about the history of God’s family, in the Bible and around the world.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

I am able to differentiate reality from what is imaginary.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

I see myself as cherished, loved, forgiven, valued, beloved by God no matter what.

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

To recover, choose one deficit that you will recover from over the next year. Choose one that is within your reach, perhaps one that you can do some of the time and focus on growing in that area. Ask God for help. Stay aware of when this deficit comes up and see if you can manage to act maturely in the situation. Find those around you who are more mature than you, in the one particular area that you have chosen, and spend time with them. Their maturity will rub off on you over time. For example, if you do not know what is satisfying, ask yourself every day, “What did I do today that was satisfying?” Typically it is something small, such as wipe up a mess. Or open a door for someone. Or help someone across the street. Or go out of your way to take responsibility for something you would rather avoid. With awareness, daily practice and the help of God—as well as your community, you will find that these more mature behaviors become both satisfying and automatic. Then you are ready to choose another deficit to target. Do not give up. Keep the vision of where you want to be before you. Ask for help if you need support. Do what you can, not what you can’t. Keep the bar low and keep moving forward.

Adapted by Elizabeth Stalcup, P.h.D, Jeannie Herbert, MSN, and Anne Doggett M. Ed from various sources including Restarting with Ed Khouri; The Emotionally Healthy Church by Peter Scazzero; the Thriving DC 2013 workbook by David and Jan Takle; and Joy Starts Here by Wilder, Khouri, Coursey and Sutton, Shepherd’s House © 2013