ADULT STAGE: Young Man or Woman (age thirteen/puberty) to the birth of his/her first child)
The goal of this stage is to learn to satisfy the needs of two people—his or herself and one other person.
Ideally, the ADULT STAGE begins at age thirteen. A fully mature 13-year-old can take excellent care of herself. As s/he enters the adult state s/he will learn how to satisfy the needs of more than one person at a time.
CHILD--BOY or GIRL (age Four to 12/13)
The goal for childhood is to teach a boy or girl how to take care of one person—him/herself. Taking care of him/herself must be second nature before s/he can take care of two or more people at the same time, as men and women do.
The goal for infancy is for babies to organize a strong, joyful, synchronized identity. An infant must learn to receive.
Ideally the infant learned that they have value for “just being me.” The infant must experience strong, loving, caring bonds with his parents. These bonds must meet his needs without his having to ask. He must receive life and also learn to express the life that is in him, to everyone's delight. During infancy, the baby learns to live joyfully in his mother's world.
Catherine Curtis, our HCI Community Coordinator sat down with Jewell B., one of our community members operating from elder level maturity. Below are some "snapshots" from Catherine and Jewell's conversation.
Several years ago, my husband and I had the opportunity to spend extra time over several months with our grandchildren. This gave us precious bonding times together. The grandchildren are now doing well in school so our contact with them is quite limited (they live in another state from where we live). But on Richard’s 80th zoom birthday party this year their faces reflected much joy and delight to be together virtually!
I got married at the age of 20. Our daughter was born when I was 22 years of age. I had a very narrow mindset about what a parent looks like. I was going to be the perfect parent. I read many books including Dr. Spock, God the Rod in Your Child’s Bod, How to Raise an Excellent Child (this was a Christian book, with an authoritarian mindset) about how to parent. What I read was all about discipline and having schedules. In those days, a new mother was hospitalized for five days after a regular delivery, and our pediatrician was on vacation. Every day a different pediatrician would come in and give me advice. Each day was different advice on how to care for this little baby.
Read MoreRecently, Betsy Stalcup (BS) interviewed community member Jeannie Herbert (JH) about adult maturity and a very special friendship Jeannie shares with her friend of 40 years, Kathy.
BS: How did you meet your friend Kathy?
JH: My friend, Kathy and I met 40 years ago. Jerry and I came to Washington DC for a month as our husbands were going to work together for a college ‘J term’. Housing was pre-arranged, so that we actually lived in the same row house together on Capitol Hill. Our oldest child was eight months old and he slept in a cabinet drawer to save space. The two couples hit it off.
I first became aware of the whole idea of maturity deficits in 2008 when my wife and I became acquainted with the Life Model. My wife, Betsy, discovered that she had infant deficits at the same time that I realized that I had childhood deficits. I thought, I am 60 years old, and I have childhood deficits, are you kidding? I had a very loving mother. I was very secure in her love. I knew my needs would be met. So I had solid infant maturity. But I realized that throughout my life I had always had a hard time doing difficult things. At work, at home. When there was something hard that needed to be done, I would put it off. Avoid it. And I probably still do, to a degree. Sometimes I would get so overwhelmed that I would freeze.
Read MoreAs we delve into the human maturity stages, it is helpful to read or hear examples of how other people identified and addressed their maturity deficits. This month we feature an interview conducted by Catherine Curtis (CC) with HCI Executive Director, Betsy Stalcup (EMS).
“I keep praying about it, but I still feel angry.”
“That person is so generous, more than the people in my church, and she is not even a Christian.”
“My relationships keep repeating the same unhealthy patterns, even though I am trying hard to change. I don’t understand! Maybe it is just the way I am.”
Perhaps you have heard these statements or said them yourself. Many of us feel stuck, but years of attending church, reading the Bible, and being part of a small group have left us frustrated that transformation isn’t coming as quickly, or as completely, as we had hoped. We’ve tried so many things, listened to so many who said, “This is the way!” Only to fall back into the same unhealthy patterns over and over again.
Why aren’t we experiencing more growth? Is God not listening? Is this the way we are, and we will have to live like this for the rest of our lives?
Before you give up, consider another option: Immaturity!
Read MoreWe pray for people each day at Daily Connect, our mid-day time to gather on Zoom to connect with each other and God. One of our regular attendees, Emily, asked us to pray for a friend in her apartment complex named Vanessa. Vanessa had been diagnosed with ALS, a degenerative neurological disease that affects the nerves in the brain and spinal cord. It is a horrible diagnosis. The disease eventually takes away one’s ability to walk, dress, write, speak, swallow, and breathe.
We prayed close to daily for Vanessa and learned over time that she was a transgender woman. Through Emily, we learned that Vanessa had come back to Jesus, a surprise (to me at least) because I did not know that she was a Christ-follower. We learned the Vanessa had moved back to her family home. At one point, Emily—with Vanessa’s permission, forwarded Vanessa’s testimony to me.
Many days later, I began the intercessory prayer time at Daily Connect by praying for Vanessa. I believe the Holy Spirit was leading me because I prayed that she would experience a glorious end. I was picturing a divine encounter where heaven would open, and she would be drawn up into God’s loving embrace. All would be put to rights.
Two days later I learned that God had another answer to my prayers. One hour and ten minutes after I prayed Vanessa had a divine encounter. Here is that story.
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