Destination: Stillness

By Heather Crow

My five-bar moment was first initiated during a HeartSync session. Jesus and I were in a rainforest with lush green tropical trees; their leaves fanned overhead providing a canopy under which we sat. The air was fresh and fragrant as flowers released scented pollen, activated by the rain. Millions of falling drops rendered a white noise as birds cooed their respective melodies.

Lying upon a rock side by side we stare up at the petaled sky, droplets every so often marking us. The river nearby, like glass, showed life underneath swimming midst the rocks and earth debris.

In a matter of moments, I could feel my capacity for stillness was being exceeded. Why rush off when the Creator of this rainforest—this universe—was present with me to enjoy it with me? Is this fidgeting inevitable? I feel uncomfortable, yet fight to make space to be and not do. 

We're now sitting on said rock face-to-face, his unbridled gaze fixed upon me. Jesus is an intense individual, but dually calm. There is nothing frantic or bothered about him, yet his perfection is a fearsome thing to behold. I can't seem to ever get enough, though; because as lucid and clear as his presence is, there is still an intrigue. So straightforward, yet so ambiguous.

My hands are now in his with a smile forming on his face, a sign he expected this. He knew I wanted to rush off and explore the rainforest and take in the paradise around us. What I didn't know was that Paradise was already sitting right in front of me.

I feel the internal struggle start to relent, acknowledging defeat this go-round. As I lean into the uncomfortable and unfamiliar stillness more and more, I discover how these are his intended thoughts and plans for me. Being still in the presence of Jesus is the ultimate destination of these five-bar moments.